One Size Fits All

By Billy Altman

Rolling Stone, September 11, 1975

One Size Fits All
Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention
Discreet DS 2216

Zappa's latest aggregation of musicians is equipped to follow its leader into whatever musical terrain he wishes to explore. Unfortunately he seems to be resting comfortably now in the middle of the road. With a hit under his belt, he seems content simply to shuffle the deck a few times and deal out the same hand. One Size Fits All is music that is proficient with rarely a trace of inspiration (a few brief keyboard flourishes by George Duke) and lyrics that are not only vague but generally mindless. I doubt whether anyone outside the group has any idea what these songs are supposed to be about.

The only song that’s even mildly noteworthy is “Sofa No. 2,” if only because Zappa sings in German (the English translation appears on the cover). If you wish to learn how to say “I am the author of all tucks and damask piping" in a foreign language, here’s your chance.