Weasels Ripped Off My Interview But Zappa Returns
By Marty Martinez
"THE PRESENT DAY COMPOSER REFUSES TO DIE!!!"
Edgar Varèse; July 1921.
(FRANK ZAPPA USED TO PRINT THIS IN HIS ALBUMS)
"WHAT'S HAPPENING TO THE STEREO??? IS SOMETHING WRONG!!"
Mrs. Edith Martinez; Summer 1969.
(MY MOTHER'S INITIAL REACTION UPON HEARING "FREAK OUT" ON THE FAMILY STEREO IN THE LIVINGROOM AS SHE WALKED INTO THE HOUSE)
Frank Zappa is a rock & roll legend and a modern day composer. Taking what he sees around him and putting it into his musical vision. Some folks dig it ... others well, right now they are reading another article in this publication ... the rest of you stick with me.
I was asked to do an interview with Mr. Zappa. Of course I said "Yeah!", being a writer and a Zappa fan. The interview is set up, I call Frank ... we talk for light years. Mission accomplished.
Ahh, yes ... then fate, that cruel mistress ... or is that the moon? Anyway, fate hands me a new deal. I assume the role of victim when street demons break into my car trunk and steal my interview, some cassettes and a 2 pound bag of my cats favorite kitty litter ... true scum of the earth .
Destroyed, I ask Frank for another interview. Sure, another interview one week before his tour starts as he's locked into rehearsals and scheduling and the whole tour shee-bang ... well, Frank finds the time (one Saturday evening) and we talk away the time, again.
I want to thank Frank for his time and his effort and yes, Frank, I wonder too, who the fuck would steal cat litter and leave a perfectly good tire. As I ponder those facts, here's Mr. Zappa:
Marty Martinez: Frank, let's start off by talking about you hosting the "Fundamentalist Anonymous" legal benefit.
Frank Zappa: Well, first thing you have to know is that I have no connection with that organization ... I'm a co-host for the evening.
Co-host?
Yeah, they called me up and asked if I could help them raise some money for their legal defense fund. They represent some 300 PTL families who are trying to get their money back from Jim and Tammy. So I thought that was a worthy cause.
Yeah, that sounds good. It's being held at a disco, "4D", with Steve Allen. Now that's an interesting pairing ... Steve Allen and Frank Zappa.
Well, one of his kids got involved in one of those fundamentalist cults and he had a lot of problems getting the kid deprogrammed or whatever it was. He's got a personal involvement in it.
Most interesting, Frank. Let's switch gears and talk about the upcoming tour. Okay, lotsa fun stuff here. According to my notes from our previous conversation, it's an eleven person band hitting the road in Albany. Looking at the places your playing they all seem to be smaller venues. I would think that when Frank Zappa plays Manhattan he would do the Garden, the Felt Forum or my house ...
The promoters had no faith, they thought I might not sell out.
Zappa not sell out! I should have booked ya.
Well, that's why I'm playing the Beacon for three nights. But we're coming back to the New York area the 25th of March to do the Nassau Coliseum. Towards the end of the tour we are doing "arena" size venues.
This new band ... uh, this EDITION of your road band features a five person horn section. What's up? Anybody of note from past bands you've had or are they all new cats?
There are a lot of people fans will recognize. Walt and Bruce Fowler on trumpet and trombones; Albert Wing on tenor sax; Walt and Bruce have been in the band before. On alto, Paul Carmen; bass sax is Kurt Mcgettrick.
Pretty Jazzy Lineup.
Ed Mann will be back on percussion; Bobby Martin vocals and keyboards; Ike Willis on guitar; Scott Thunes on bass; Chad Wackerman on drums and our new stunt guitarist Mike Kenealey ... he also plays keyboards .
"Stunt" guitar? What the heck is a stunt guitar?
Thats the position in the band reserved for people who have to play Steve Vai's guitar parts.
Some gig, huh? This cat Mike is a new guy. Did ya find him the same way you auditioned the others or was he a special favorite?
Nooooo, he heard about the fact that we were looking for musicians and he called on the Barking Pumpkin hotline. He lived in San Diego – that's about two hours from here – so I said get in your car and come on out. He came up and auditioned. He was good enough so that I said I would try him out for a week. He worked out during that first week and now he's got the job.
No shit. I called the BARKING PUMPKIN hotline and asked about when UNCLE MEAT would be re-released.
Did they tell ya?
Yeah ...
Well, ya got what you called for.
Outside of a job, another thing I wanted to ask you about is the video arm of the Zappa empire, Honker Video. You've got a great theory that since home video is the last defense in personal taste it is up to the individual. You put forth the vision of "No D" (No Dimension).
We provide with our videos something called "No D'' glasses. Now "No D " is opaque cardboard for people who think there might be ... let me make that more succinct. If anyone out there thinks that censorship is a good idea, do it yourself. You can use these opaque glasses to censor yourself and, as you get braver, it's got these little perforated peek-a-boo flaps on the eye pieces where you can open them up a little bit at a time.
Thus allowing you the vision ...
Yeah, you might say that.
Out of your new video stuff, I see BABY SNAKES and a long time favorite VIDEO FROM HELL. But most interesting is BUNNY, BUNNY, BUNNY, which is listed as PUNK DADA SITCOM.
It was filmed in our kitchen – otherwise known as the Dangerous Kitchen – and it was written by Moon, her cousin Lala and Kyle Richardson. I directed it. It's a half hour long and they play these three real peculiar characters having this scene in the kitchen. It's difficult to explain, it's right on out there.
Well, I guess ya gotta say "You Gotta See It".
You gotta say it.
You've written new songs for the tour?
Five new ones.
One in particular, "When The Lies So Big". That's a shot at Pat Robertson.
We have another one we've been rehearsing all during the past week called "Jesus Thinks Your A Jerk". It also talks about Pat Robertson and Jim and Tammy. There is a Twilight Zone section in "Jesus Thinks Your A Jerk" and it goes like this: " ... Imagine, if you will, a multi-millionaire television evangelist, saved from combat duty by his father a United States Senator ... " And then goes on to list all of his bogus qualifications like, for example, "Claims not to have been a faith healer but has in the past dealt sternly with everything from hemorrhoids and hurricanes" and ends up by saying "Currently seeking the United States Presidency ... Hoping we all follow him into the Twilight Zone".
Ooooh, Frank that's scary.
It is a pretty scary song .
In addition to the newer material, what are some of the things from the past we can look forward too.
Well, we're doing " Who needs the Peace Corps" which we've never done on stage before. We are doing "The Eric Dolphy Memorial Bar-B-Que", which we havn't played since 1969.
Which was part of the "Weasels Ripped My Flesh" collection.
We're doing "The Orange County Lumber Truck".
One of my faves.
Yes, also " Zombie Woof'," Strictly Genteel" and "Zoot Allures", there is a whole spectrum of stuff.
So a Zappa fan ... past, present and future ... will be satisfied with the material selected.
Ahh, yeah , there is a little bit of something for everybody. We're doing the "Black Page". We have a new age version of the "Black Page".
It's also noted that this tour will not only feature you playing guitar but also a synclavier.
Mostly on the tour I'll be playing guitar, but the synclavier is on the tour, and I'm gonna work it into the tour because, well, you've got an audience of people coming to see the band and the Synclavier is merely a machine – it does whatever it does brilliantly – but, I don't know if they would rather sit and watch the machine do its perfect stuff or watch the band cavort. I'll have to figure that one out as the tour progresses, but it is on the truck and as a matter of fact it's winding its way to Albany even as we speak.
Outside of touring, do you have any ideas on a more perfect way of getting your live music to the public that wants to hear it?
The best would be to have a television show, but I've been trying for the last year and a half to put that together but people seem to be afraid of putting me on TV.
Now that seems to be a great idea and with cable you don't have the restrictions that network TV does. I can't believe no one put you on television. What possible harm could you do?
I could tell people the truth.
Oh, Frank. I see.
Yeah , they worry about that. I did have one offer from Showtime but the amount of money they offered for the show was so low that I couldn't have a band and do talk at the same time then I didn't want to do it, so I turned it down.
Well Frank, thanks for the Re-interview.
Well, I hope they don't break into your car again.
Frank, man, I thank you honestly for giving me this time cause I was one depressed mojo when I discovered someone had knocked off the trunk of my car ... and in addition to our previous conversation they also took the last bag of my cats favorite kitty litter. If I don't use that in the litter box, it's kitty ca-ca all over my house, studio guitars ... yeach.
You know Marty, I really question the mental stability of a person who steals cat litter. You know, there are dangerous people out there if they steal cat litter.
Frank, I would have taken the tire ... as opposed to cassettes and wires and cat litter.
It was probably a Republican.
I would bet on it. They didn't leave fingerprints.
(laughing) That's right.